Writer’s block is a cruel thing, to be honest. I’ve been staring at my screen for hours, scrolled my way down to the last three days updates of my friends on Facebook, looked up funny cat memes, and watched random videos on Youtube until I discovered ASMR videos (it is weirdly addictive). But I want to write about my travels, dammit! Well, just to get my groove to warm up, here I am writing something I’ve never written before – a post that would make you question my sanity but trust me, I’ll get the point as a go along (I hope). But I guarantee confusion because my brain is legit tangled at the moment.
For weeks I’ve been tired, sleep deprived and over worked. I got my paycheck this morning, and I saw that I made almost 190 hours in four weeks on my day job and nowadays that’s a lot for me considering I also pretty much work full-time running this blog on my own (it is a one-(Wo)man show, y’all). I used to do about close to 300 hours in a month when I used to have two full-time jobs, but that was long ago when I was younger, underweight, eats crap, and have a rather good metabolism.
Nowadays, you won’t even make me stay half an hour longer at work just because I said so. I’m not lazy; I just have other better things in life to spend my precious time – like, binge watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S for the nth time (and maybe write a post).
You see, as a chef, working long hours under pressure in a kitchen as hot as the tropics, you need to love your job. Otherwise, you’ll go effing insane after a while. I was so done with that, and I’m happy that my new workplace is helluva easier than what I was used to! I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I love my day job as much as I love traveling and being a travel blogger. It took me a while to realize that because I was so focused on quitting it to pursue the marvelous life of a travel blogger! But now, I’m not quite comfortable with my lifestyle but who knows where this blog can take me. I’ll play this game along!
To be honest, I’ve always loved traveling because I always enjoyed eating my way through it and that hasn’t changed, and I always use my travels as a reference when I have a new clever idea what to cook. I just wish that there are more than 24 hours in the day to get both jobs at float! I’m so swamped the past few weeks from both jobs, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but man, I’m exhausted. I don’t even remember how 8 hours of sleep feels like! I’m not going to lie, travel blogging is not as glamorous as others, and I show it. It is grueling, but it gives you pleasure. Is that weird? I think it is weird.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining! It is just such an unusual set up whatever I have right now because from what I experienced in the past is that I usually hate the second job because it is poopy but I have to take it because it pays the rent. However, in my case now, my second “job” don’t pay the rent, but I love it as much as my first job – get it? Man, the confusion.
Traveling to various places sure did mold the person that I am now. I have a clear understanding of what and who I want to be, but the process of figuring things out was a major struggle, and I’m sure that a lot of you can understand the first-world privilege I’m having right now, right? Slight chuckles, but just kidding!
But yes, it is a struggle to know who you are and what you want. Before I was dreaming big, and I want to be a kick-ass chef one day and be a strong female icon in the restaurant world. However, while backpacking around Europe I start to think to myself, is that who I want to be thirty years from now? Be a fifty-something-year-old lady working in a 40 degrees kitchen ten to fifteen hours, day and night?
I want to continue my travels and see the world, that’s one thing I want to do, and if I want to dedicate my life in the kitchen, the kitchen needs to be my life. That also means I might need to marry a fellow chef who would understand my crazy work hours because my friends, regular people won’t get it. Been there, done that. Plus, I’ve worked mostly with male chef’s up to a point I’m the only lady present all the time and trust me when I say this, I’d rather be single all my life than to marry a chef.
So, no to being a chef. Period.
On the other hand, not long ago, before travel blogging era and even before my professional chef’s career – I was an aspiring artist, and I think that is also one of the reasons why I enjoyed traveling to places I know a Master once stepped foot. I mean, I cried when I in Rijksmuseum when I saw few of the famous works of Rembrandt. I mean, he’s a rockstar. I also kinda fell in love with Van Gogh because he’s such a wild child and you can tell from his brush strokes – such a badass… Except he’s a psychopath, I think. The dude cuts his ear off. Cool, but odd.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have the opportunity to pursue that dream since my Mom went to art school and she knows first-hand that it doesn’t matter how talented you are, you need to eat too, and shops don’t accept a painting of the Alps in exchange for food. She was a wise woman and was a talented artist herself, too. Of course, in today’s world, everything is possible, and I’ve seen tons of amazing artists making gazillions from various mediums here in the fabulous world of the internet. I just don’t think I can pull that off, but who knows, right? One day, maybe.
I still miss my brushes and my canvases, though. My partner is still complaining that I have not fixed the left eye of his portrait because it is not finished yet. I’ll have to take a break from everything so I can pick up the brushes again! Only to find the time is the ultimatum. Why did humans create the aspect of time, seriously?
That said, painting did take a lot of my time back in the days, and though I don’t regret every minute I spend inside my home crouching in one position for hours, I loved it. I so loved it that I had to pack all my things up and put it in one corner so I can pursue something else that could eventually lead to something bigger. Unfortunately, I knew that painting is not more than just a mere hobby.
So, how did I ended up as a travel blogger and why not, let’s say, a food blogger amongst all things? Well, yes, I know food so well I can write recipes people will certainly love. But the culinary world exhausted me already, and I can’t talk about food anymore on my spare time! Plus, whenever I talk about food and flavor, for some reason, I make it sound so dirty. I blame butter because I think butter is so beautiful if it would have an ass I’d slap it, you see what I mean? I don’t want my readers to read that. Or do you?
Kidding aside, I stumbled upon the world of travel blogging when I was searching for some inspiration for my next travels. I always loved traveling but I never really thought of writing about it until I stumble upon few blogs, which names I can’t remember right now, but they gave great stories, and amazing tips and I was inspired! I thought to myself, hey, I can do this! I’m usually a private person, and I don’t even share my travel pictures on my Facebook profile just because it is nobody’s business. That has changed for obvious reasons after this blog went live.
Nowadays, I have dedicated hundreds of hours on this blog, and I’m not going to stop because learning every bit of how the internet works baffles me. Plus, working on the design and photo part is also kinda artsy which I enjoy tremendously.
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Because of this, my hunger for new adventures has gone stronger than ever, and just recently, I went backpacking solo around the Balkan‘s and truly loved every minute and every new thing I learned.
That said, I may have dreamt big before and failed to achieve what I once thought I wanted in life, this doesn’t mean I’ll stop working hard to meet other goals I’ve set up for myself. You can dream big twice, or as many as you like – failure is part of us and we should embrace and learn from it. It is part of our flaws and that’s how it makes us unique.
Ta, ta. I’m hungry so I’ll go fix myself some lunch and don’t stop working hard! It will pay off eventually, trust me.
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